I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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