Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
