I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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