I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
