It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Two words: nipple clamps
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