im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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