you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
