Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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