I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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