just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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