Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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