So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
