She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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