The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
