I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
