I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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