I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
