i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
