adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
