votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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