Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
