I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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