2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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