Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
