WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
