bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
