Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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