My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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