I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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