we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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