think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
