i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
