so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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