piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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