Your mouth is God's brothel.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
