What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
