why didn't you poke me back
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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