So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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