Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
birth control should be required to get into college
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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