We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
