What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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