YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
my liver is dry heaving
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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