so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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