I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
