you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
