I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
