matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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