I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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