We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
