why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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