nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
