Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
