My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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