If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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