During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
