I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
