I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
