stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
