I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
