Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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