fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize