Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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