The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Randomize
