I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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