I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
