Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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